


Shattered Pieces

by idrilhadhafang



Series: Of Light and Fire [4]
Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst and Tragedy, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Buried Alive, Dark Ben Solo, Darkpilot Angst, Fallen Jedi Ben Solo, Gen, Horror, Kylo Ren Backstory, M/M, Minor Poe Dameron/Ben Solo, Poe Dameron Needs A Hug, Pre-Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Protective Ben Solo, Protective Knights of Ren, Protective Poe Dameron, knights of ren backstory
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-14
Updated: 2019-01-14
Packaged: 2019-10-09 19:40:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,167
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17413040
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idrilhadhafang/pseuds/idrilhadhafang
Summary: What happened the night Ben Solo destroyed the Temple?





	Shattered Pieces

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: Perspective Flip
> 
> Disclaimer: I own nothing. 
> 
> Author’s Notes: Warning for violence and an opening with descriptions of being buried alive.

It was dark. So dark. Ben couldn’t breathe. It was like his lungs were screaming for air, the darkness pressing in on him. He was going to die here, trapped here with his uncle, and — and —  
  
_You know what you have to do._  
  
The Voice. The Voice that had been here with him for as long as he could remember.  
  
“I — can’t — ”  
  
_You got yourself trapped, get yourself out._  
  
“Can’t breathe...so cold...”  
  
_Don’t waste your oxygen. Reach..._  
  
Ben did. And it was then that he realized he was under rubble. Had he actually done this? He couldn’t have. A “Force incompetent” as his uncle had called him once couldn’t have done something like this. He and his uncle had been fighting, and then — then -  
  
_Think of it like lifting rocks._  
  
Ben remembered. Strained — even though his lungs felt like they were screaming for air, and it was so dark and he couldn’t move or see...and it was then that he saw a crack of light through the rubble of the hut. The rubble was moving, scattering, and Ben never thought he would be more glad to see stars in his life. He wasn’t dead.  
  
Underneath the rubble, he saw the ruins of his calligraphy set, his ruined blue lightsaber. And his uncle’s prone form. Ben’s stomach clenched; how could he have done this? He had killed Luke Skywalker. He —  
  
_No time now,_ said the Voice. _You must leave. Perhaps enact your vengeance on this hill?_  
  
“I have to tell them.”  
  
***  
  
Ben practically sprinted down the hill, only to be confronted by six students. His chest clenched again; he was effectively outnumbered and unarmed. This would how he would die, now that he was out of the rubble.  
  
“You killed Master Skywalker,” one of them said. “How could you kill Master Skywalker?”  
  
“It was an accident.” From a certain point of view, it was true.  
  
The student snorted. “You’re just like the other Dark Siders. Nothing more than a rabid animal. It’ll be a pleasure to put you down before you cause any more damage.”  
  
The student drew her lightsaber, only for a lightsaber to go through her back. With wide eyes, she collapsed, and one of the other students, Devan stood there, yellow lightsaber ignited.  
  
“Dev...” Ben said, relieves and horrified all in one.  
  
“Well, that was anticlimactic,” Devan said. “Anyone else want to hurt Ben?”  
  
“Murderer,” the sixth student hissed. “Traitor.”  
  
“I know,” Devan said. “If it wasn’t for Ben, I wouldn’t be doing this. And neither would the others.”  
  
Five other students had showed up. Including several of Ben’s friends from the Academy, Lora and Hira.  
  
“Devan,” Ben said, “You didn’t have to — ”  
  
“We’re not going to let you die,” Devan said.  
  
The opposing students charged at the other six, Ben joining in to provide assistance. And minutes later, they were dead.  
  
Minutes.  
  
Minutes that shouldn’t have happened.  
  
***  
  
He stumbled towards Poe’s house, feeling his knees shake, threatening to give out. He had never killed before, he had never hurt anyone. This was his first blood, this was the first time that he had killed, and it was six of his fellow students. He was, for all intents and purposes, a murderer.  
  
No, he was a murderer. Irredeemable, tainted, stained. He was aware that his vision was becoming hot and blurry, and his cheeks were becoming wet. He was crying. Crying and the tears wouldn’t stop falling. Even taking deep breaths didn’t stop the tears from falling.  
  
“Ben.” Devan spoke. “Is everything...”  
  
“Yeah.” _We’re monsters. I’m exactly what my parents thought I was. Dear Force..._  
  
He raised his fist and knocked at Poe’s door. The door opened, and Poe entered the doorway. “Ben? What happened?”  
  
How could he even begin to explain?  
  
“A lot,” Ben said. “Poe...there’s something I have to talk to you about.”  
  
“Sure. Do you want the others in? They look like they’ve been through hell.”  
  
Devan spoke up. “I think Ben wants to talk with you.”  
  
Ben nodded. “Get the shuttle going, Dev. I’ll catch up to you.”  
  
Devan nodded. The other students left, and Poe spoke. “What do you mean...you’ll catch up with him?”  
  
“Poe, I have to leave.”  
  
He wished that he hadn’t said anything. Poe stared at him, looking like Ben had stabbed him. “Why?”  
  
“I need to. Something happened at the Temple, and I have to finish my training.”  
  
“What are you talking about?”  
  
Ben looked away. Poe would never forgive him if he knew what he’d done. Ben knew that much. Then, “I went to the Temple for help, and things went wrong. Besides,” Ben said, “I never belonged here, Poe. I should have known from the start. You were one of the only good things about training at the Temple. I’m just hoping that maybe I can find someone...to show me my place in all this.”  
  
“You’re not making sense. About...what happened at the Temple.”  
  
It was for Poe’s own good. It would kill him if he knew what a monster Ben really was. Ben continued. “I know. I want to protect you.” _From me, and all I am._ “The man I’m looking for will finish my training. He’s wise and powerful.”  
  
“I’ll go with you.” Poe said.  
  
Apparently, the way of the Dark Sider was to be lonely. “I want you safe,” Ben said. “Poe. In more ways than one. If you were brought into my life, you would not be the same. I can’t do that to you.”  
  
_I love you,_ Ben thought, _Too much to do this to you._  
  
“Stay here,” Ben said. “Stay safe.”  
  
“You are my safety, Ben.”  
  
Ben nodded. “And you still are mine.”  
  
He hugged Poe tightly. Poe’s grip tightened around him like letting go would be the worst decision he ever made.  
  
“No matter what happens,” Ben said. “Wherever you go, whatever they call you, know that you will always be my best friend. And we’ll see each other again. I promise.”  
  
“I know, Ben.”  
  
Withdrawing, Ben looked at Poe, making sure that he memorized Poe’s face, his expressive brown eyes that were filling with tears. “Don’t weep for me,” Ben said. “I’ll be all right. Know, also, you were the best thing in my life, and still are. Always.”  
  
Even as Ben left, the Voice echoed in his mind. _You did a hard thing, young Solo._  
  
That was an understatement. “Hard” shouldn’t have been able to sum up the feeling like his heart had shattered and was still beating. Shattered pieces, that could never quite be made whole again.  
  
The Voice continued. _But you did the right one. Poe would only weighed you down, limited you._  
  
“It wasn’t why.” Ben said aloud.  
  
_Of course not. But he would have nonetheless. Even a Dark Sider is not immune to the pains of the heart, but nonetheless..._  
  
Ben could not argue. And even as he boarded the shuttle that Devan was piloting, he wondered if he would ever truly be whole again.


End file.
